Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
