no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
