a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
