Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
