I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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