I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
