If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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