I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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