You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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