she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
