I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
