I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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