??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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