Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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