3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
