Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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