She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
