I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize