Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
