I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
