Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
