Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
