shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
