I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
