Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
