Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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