Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
