non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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