Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
