you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
