I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
