We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
