yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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