god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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