i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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