Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
