the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
