a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
