you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
