I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
