Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
