Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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