I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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