If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
