Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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