You smell like stripper and shame
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
