Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
