My pussy is not your playground.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
