Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
