I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
