she looked like the before picture.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
