so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize