look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
