He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
