So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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