Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize