this beer tastes like vomit already
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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