Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
