This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
