you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
