drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
