we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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