i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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