Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
