so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I deserve this hangover.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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