A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
