She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
